Embrace your inner flake

For the last couple of years I have had an internal battle that sounds something like this:

Self #1 (Flake): I really want to do X (go back to college, start my own photography business, submit a photo in a contest, write an article for a publication, etc.)

Self #2 (Control freak): First of all you will not be good at X, and second what will people think? I'll tell you what they will think, they will think you are a flake. You have already tried Y (scrap booking, guitar, drawing, writing, college the first time a round, photography etc.) and we all know how smashingly those endeavors have worked out for you. Now you want to put more time, money, sweat and love into a hobby that wont last.

Self #1: Yes I do, and I am going to.

Self #2: Fine, but it is going to be a disaster.

Later...

Self #1: Maybe you are right, it is too hard to be a mom, do all of the things I have to do and have a consuming hobby/interest. I feel horribly guilty about the time away from my kids and the other household duties that have suffered. Plus what if I totally fail?

Self #2: Well you are right you are a horrible mother, housekeeper, wife and you really weren't any good at X anyway. Stop now before anyone else notices, and just keep faking the other stuff.

Self #1: Did I say horrible mother, housekeeper and wife? ...is that true? It must be. Oh no, I have already failed.

You get the idea, this is an endless conversation, but I am sure you can see where this is going.

So when ever I get a crazy idea I have started repressing the urge to try something new. Because I have started thinking that Self #2 is right. I have realized however that all of these hobbies, interest, whims what ever you would like to call them are the very things that make me interesting. I love to try new things. So what if I never become a famous photographer or writer. So what if I am tone def and playing the guitar was never in the cards for me. So what if I have numberless unfinished scrapbooks, craft projects and book ideas. So what if it is taking me longer to finish college. So what if I entered a photo in a contest and didn't win.

If I didn't try new things I could not stun my kids by telling them I played the drums in a marching band, played golf and basketball in HS and was in a musical. For about half a second Lillie thought I was cool when I told her about the drums.

From now on I am embracing my inner flake. I have been thinking it would be fun to start playing the drums again, or take a creative writing class, or sell prints of the temple on-line, or the list is endless really. And I may do all of them or none of them that is what being a flake is all about...

And there is always room for more flakes if you would like to join me.