Embrace your inner flake

For the last couple of years I have had an internal battle that sounds something like this:

Self #1 (Flake): I really want to do X (go back to college, start my own photography business, submit a photo in a contest, write an article for a publication, etc.)

Self #2 (Control freak): First of all you will not be good at X, and second what will people think? I'll tell you what they will think, they will think you are a flake. You have already tried Y (scrap booking, guitar, drawing, writing, college the first time a round, photography etc.) and we all know how smashingly those endeavors have worked out for you. Now you want to put more time, money, sweat and love into a hobby that wont last.

Self #1: Yes I do, and I am going to.

Self #2: Fine, but it is going to be a disaster.

Later...

Self #1: Maybe you are right, it is too hard to be a mom, do all of the things I have to do and have a consuming hobby/interest. I feel horribly guilty about the time away from my kids and the other household duties that have suffered. Plus what if I totally fail?

Self #2: Well you are right you are a horrible mother, housekeeper, wife and you really weren't any good at X anyway. Stop now before anyone else notices, and just keep faking the other stuff.

Self #1: Did I say horrible mother, housekeeper and wife? ...is that true? It must be. Oh no, I have already failed.

You get the idea, this is an endless conversation, but I am sure you can see where this is going.

So when ever I get a crazy idea I have started repressing the urge to try something new. Because I have started thinking that Self #2 is right. I have realized however that all of these hobbies, interest, whims what ever you would like to call them are the very things that make me interesting. I love to try new things. So what if I never become a famous photographer or writer. So what if I am tone def and playing the guitar was never in the cards for me. So what if I have numberless unfinished scrapbooks, craft projects and book ideas. So what if it is taking me longer to finish college. So what if I entered a photo in a contest and didn't win.

If I didn't try new things I could not stun my kids by telling them I played the drums in a marching band, played golf and basketball in HS and was in a musical. For about half a second Lillie thought I was cool when I told her about the drums.

From now on I am embracing my inner flake. I have been thinking it would be fun to start playing the drums again, or take a creative writing class, or sell prints of the temple on-line, or the list is endless really. And I may do all of them or none of them that is what being a flake is all about...

And there is always room for more flakes if you would like to join me.

Slacker

Who; me? Well yes I have been neglecting my blog so be warned this may be a bit long but it will be mostly pictures...common you know you love pictures of my kids...admit it. So here goes.

Easter:

I love this picture of Ben and the kids...especially Ben and Joseph. Soo cute. So GQ.

So after Church I wanted to get a few pictures outside before everyone came over for dinner, well I am sure you can all guess how that worked...Ben tried to bribe Van with candy, which basically back fired and Joe and Lillie found this hilarious.

Look how dejected he looks.

Pinewood Derby:

I am sad to report that Joseph's car came in last every time. We don't know exactly what was wrong, but I am sure it is karma. The universe is punishing Ben and I for hating scouts. I am happy to report that Joseph handled it soooo well. This type of thing would have sent him over the edge awhile ago. I am so proud of him and how far he has come in the last year. And I think he really did have fun.

Van:

One morning Van was being particularly quiet, almost never a good sign. So I went to check and this is what I found. How cute!! My mini engineer.

Another morning Van was being particulary quiet and this is what I found...

Any guesses? Yep he was making cookies. I am so glad I caught him before he got to the eggs! He was so proud of himself. Apparently he is a man of many talents.

Soccer:

I love this picture of the girls standing together...look at the huge size difference; Sophie's birthday is only 4 days after Lillie's...where did this amazon child come from?

Lillie started here first season of soccer; it's official I am a soccer mom. She is doing really well considering they don't practice together...they just play games. Did I miss something? I am pretty sure teams should hold practice first...I guess not. Anyway she is on the "Orange Dragons" (which according to her she came up with) with her best friend Sophie. They are pretty cute in their neon orange outfits. Her favorite position is goalie. I have always thought that she would be good at sports, so I guess we get to find out.